Shut up.
What a freaky weekend... I have a big party, Aaliyah died, and my friend is in jail. What is this?
posted by phat tony 3:22 AM
I am so aggravated today... about mostly nothing. I tried to pay a bill on-line, but then there were stupid complications that only incredible technology could cause. My god. And then I went to the post office, dropping two letters on the way... on a puddle soaked sidewalk. And I paid more postage than I should have on two mini-parcels. And I have to get more checks somehow, and I'm trying to figure out the best way to do it. And I don't have an income, and that's more bothersome than most things. I feel as though I spend thousands (well, not that much) so quickly.
Another thing that really upsets me is that I'm not being creative at all. I'm taking a dance class tonight, which is good. But I still get nervous going to those classes, like I'm not going to be good enough or something. I don't know. And although I know I'm not good enough as a vocalist to really pursue that sort of thing, I really love doing it as a hobby, but I still feel stupid singing in my shower. I don't know... why should I be worried if someone hears? I mean, this is NYC... you hear people fighting all the time, why would faint strains of someone singing in another apartment bother someone?
I need to do something about all this.
posted by phat tony 5:16 PM
I tried to blog yesterday... didn't work.
So last night was fun. Went to Fridays with Disa. Talked about a lot of stuff. Big topic of conversation = racism and why other people don't get it. It's crazy how it is quite impossible for anyone who has never intrinsically felt different (e.g. the midwestern white male, etc.) to understand racism or bigotry, even in the slightest. Explaining racial struggles to someone are difficult enough when it's hard to verbalize what feelings you have undergone, but when the person has no base of knowledge from which to gain information, understanding is impossible.
More about this later.
posted by phat tony 1:55 PM
So I had lunch with Angie today. Fun times. We actually got a chance to talk about random stuff. We haven't really done that since I got here. It was cool. We finally got to talking about what kind of dance class we're gonna take together and when exactly we're gonna do all this. Wild.
Relationships are funny sometimes... especially Angie's and Jon's...
And still, after talking to both of them, their relationship is still so vague to me. Not that it's really for me to understand, but you know how I am.
posted by phat tony 12:18 AM
I still don't have a job.
Is this fair? Really.
I feel as though I'm qualified. I have a good GPA from a respectable school. I'm planning on attending law school in the future. I've had lots of random experience. I've interned, I've done research, I'm completed office work, I'm motivated people... what else do I need to have? The economy sucks, but all I want is a stupid legal aide or paralegal (are they really the same thing?) job somewhere, hopefully at a decent firm. On top of all this, my parents think I'm not trying hard enough, when that's all I spend my days doing... trying.
posted by phat tony 12:12 AM
I was starting to read a book last night, yet another memoir-ish sort of work. Somewhat the likes of Bridget Jones' Diary or a Sedaris novel, this book has brought memoir (or pseudo-memoir) writing to another level. At the same time, I'm thinking about what to write on my personal statement for law school. It needs to be something that'll set me apart from everyone else, something completely different and intriguing. Looking at the UVA admissions packet makes me nervous. It sets out exactly what calculations are made to guage the potential of applicants to gain entrance into the school. When I did all the equations or whatever, I saw that I pretty much had a 50/50 chance of getting into the school. And this is UVA! It's not even a school I really want to go to that badly... I mean, I'm sure it's an amazing institution, but still...
Anyway, I might need to write a mini-memoir of sorts, something that had a little bit of tongue-in-cheek wit, something that'll make sure the admissions people remember my name (whether they can pronounce it or not is a different story entirely).
posted by phat tony 12:40 PM
I'm feeling extremely blazee about this entire job search/being in NYC thing. I've been waking up late with no real schedule to my day. I really enjoy hanging out with the friends I have here, but there needs to be more purpose to things than that. My parents call every now and then. My mom's upset, I can tell. She sounds really disappointed everytime she leaves a message (because you know I'm kind of afraid to pick up the phone). She's all, "Just calling to see if you have a job yet, wondering what you're doing at this time." I wish I could play it off as parental nagging, but if the truth is I don't actually have a job yet... well, then, she might have a point.
posted by phat tony 12:27 PM
