It's Sunday night, about to be Monday morning.
I'm going crazy because I've barely made a dent in this 14-page research legal memo that I need to have finished by 5pm tomorrow. No, I wasn't assigned this last week... I got this assignment a month ago. I've given myself a headache.
This weekend was great... Mikki and Erica came to visit. More on that later...
posted by phat tony 11:48 PM
It's 3:21am. I don't know why I feel like blogging, but I do.
I'm having one of those introspective, pseudo-feel good/working out my life sort of moments... I doubt I'd be able to explain it in THIS particular venue, but chat with me sometime about it and I might be able to explain it.
This has been a great weekend so far (yeah, I know... it's Friday night, the weekend has barely started...). Last night, I had a potluck/wine and cheese thing at my place to a) have an intimate gathering of friends for Palak's last weekend in the city, and b) to sort of "break in" my apartment for the first time since I moved in in August. It was a pretty good success... wide variety of friends from UMich, a good group of people from Columbia, all mingling, making friends, with a solid dose of DDT at the end of the night. I love those nights when people only feel like leaving once they're about to fall asleep. Love you guys! Anyway, then tonight, Leslie, Lynn, Sam, Karina, Palak, and I met up for dinner, desert, and then we all headed to Palak's "official" going away party at Room 143. Lots of fun as usual. It was a great crowd... I think Sam's killin' it, pretty much... his parties are for sure just gonna keep getting bigger and better... just in time for New Year's! (everyone in NYC... going to Rain East for New Year's Eve, right? RIGHT?!?)
So, I'm in this a cappella group at school now, and it's been fun, I guess. But after having lots of intensive fun time with my closest friends, most of whom I've met within student orgs, I'm realizing how I'm not really feeling the same dynamic in my group... I mean, no question, I love performing and all that junk, but the MAIN reason I'm in the group is for the comraderie of the thing, you know? And I'm usually not one to feel awkward around a group of people, but in truth, I only have one or two people in the group I would actually confide in, chat freely with, whatever. And at the same time, I'm not saying anything bad about the group... lord knows they're talented (stars in the making, no doubt)... but I need people I can fully relate to. At Michigan, there were 40,000 people to choose from, and I chose the best of 'em. Those are the people that will... I dunno... they'll be around forever... we'll all find a way to be around each other forever. I was kind of looking forward to creating a circle at Columbia, but it's... well, it's different.
I think I need to start revamping my life. I was so focused on school this week, and it felt great. That sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? I mean, I've been doing the higher education thing for so long, and I'm feeling really good about the fact that I'm finally focused on school? What is that? What have I been doing all this time? Maybe it's because now I know it really REALLY matters, not what grades I get necessarily, but what I know. In 10 years, it probably will still be quite useful to know all about strict product liability and its relevance in the case of Thomas v. Winchester. Each thing I learn now, well, it's all important. How weird is that.
I want to meet someone. Someone who I can chill with, no matter how busy we are. Someone who I can call, just so we can share some silence. Silence screams more intent and meaning than we realize, sometimes. Someone who doesn't quite understand me, but is really looking forward to. Someone who wants me to shut the light off before coming to bed. Someone who pushes me to get off my ass and go for a run, just because they want some company. Someone who believes in my dreams, even if I don't know what they are quite yet. Someone who knows that timing isn't always perfect, but if you're around for a bit, the timing will eventually be right. Someone who will forgive me when I know not what I do. Someone who'll say they have all the answers, if only just to make me feel better. Someone who needs a back massage. Someone who will yell at me because they don't want me to fuck up what we have. Someone who tells me I'm not the stupidest one in Columbia Law School, class of 2005. Someone who likes to dance with me. Someone who wants me to listen to them, because they like venting to a friendly face. Someone who knows why I worry. Someone who I want to brag about unabashedly and who will stick up for me. Someone who dresses down well. Someone who smiles a lot, and someone who'll make me do the same. Someone who I can speak a love song to, but who will still think of me when I fall silent.
...
posted by phat tony 3:49 AM
fun times from yesterday... AIM chatting with EVERYONE at once... and whose idea was it to play FMK during 3 of my classes? Ridiculous. Love it.
posted by phat tony 11:24 AM
I'm in the middle of Contracts class right now, blogging away. And I wonder why I feel lost in law school sometimes...
I've found it difficult recently to get myself motivated about my work. I know I have a lot of reading to do, a lot of research to do, but I find every excuse not to do so. Yet, at the same time, I tell myself I can't work out because I have too much work to do, and I eat all the time because I want to find every excuse not to work. It's a vicious cycle, but I think I'm getting over it. Joy.
I'm going to do my laundry today. That always inspires me.
I think I want to be in a relationship. But at the same time, I think this is the worst time I could possibly be in one. This is, of course, completely contingent on the actual presence of someone with whom to carry on a relationship. Whatever, I like to be proactive.
My friends write funny e-mails sometimes. I need to stop reading them during class. I sometimes laugh... out loud. About two minutes ago, I did just that and my ancient professor looks at me, his dentured mouth upturned in disbelief, wondering how I possibly could find manifest ambiguity in contractual obligation funny. He obviously doesn't get the joke.
posted by phat tony 11:55 AM
Okay, anyone who knows me knows that I brag about my friends. All the time. No, really, all the time... about how talented they are (see below), how nice they are, how beautiful they are... atleast now I know other people are equally as shallow. ;) Ha, just kidding... but seriously, below is a random invite I got to a friend's party... I just thought it was funny. Especially the end.
You are a beautiful person, inside and out, so you have been selected to attend "The Beautiful People." This is an exclusive party to celebrate Nadir's new place and life in general. It's a chance to forget about all the stuff that really matters in life and relish in the superficial. Forget about your job, school work and other obigations for a night of music, alcohol and beauty. Response required. Look your best because everyone invited is fly and pictures will be taken.
posted by phat tony 5:23 PM
no time to talk... don't even know why I'm blogging now... must go to starbucks for caramel machiatto... then study group for torts midterm... must read because did nothing this weekend... not because I'm lazy but because the Clefs took a trip to Philadelphia... sang for sick kids at Penn (so great) and then sang at some show in Haverford... must go caffeinate... now.
posted by phat tony 7:44 PM
