7.03.2006

I’ve decided I need something to jumpstart my blog. I don’t know exactly what is necessary in order to make this a successful transaction, but I felt temporarily inspired by Esquire magazine (I can’t believe I just said that), as well as one of my favorite NYC bartender’s blogs (yes, apparently that’s how big of a part [problem] alcohol plays in my life)… So thanks, Gates, you’ve facilitated substantively boring my readers (or complete lack thereof), and perhaps robbing them of a few precious minutes of their lives. To everyone else, read on, and if you need someone to blame, I’ll let you know to which NYC bar you need to head, with or without the ax-wielding villagers. Or you could ask Megan. She knows all.

1. I moved to New York City at the end of June of 2001.
2. I planned on playing a tourist for a year before leaving for law school.
3. I obviously haven’t left yet, Northern California law schools clearly not thinking I was California enough for them (that’s my personal excuse), and Columbia University School of Law thinking I needed to give NYC more of a chance.
4. When I’m an old man, I hope to live somewhere like Southern California, but not necessarily Southern California.
5. I would settle for a place where I could run in a straight line with my eyes closed for 20 seconds and not run into anything.
6. I’m a middle child, but no one has ever guessed I am. It’s always the oldest or the youngest, and I’ve simultaneously acted as both.
7. After almost 10 years of living away from my parents (who still reside in Central Ohio), they have finally begun to understand that I can’t spend more than 36 hours in my hometown without going crazy.
8. My family and I have an unbelievable long-distance relationship.
9. After seemingly a lifetime of parental disappointment, my parents now brag about their kids… Apparently they like the doctor-lawyer combo.
10. After seemingly a lifetime of parental disappointment, my parents have now started asking me why I’m not auditioning more.
11. I learned to drive in a crappy driver’s ed car, which I proceeded to wreck my third day on the road.
12. My parents subsequently started to think that driver’s ed was bullshit, and that it made sense to give me the keys to one of their cars to drive unattended until I felt comfortable taking my driver’s test again. The car was a Mercedes Benz station wagon. Simultaneously so cool and so lame.
13. I haven’t been in another accident since.
14. When I was 5 years old, I apparently thrilled fellow passengers on a flight to India with my extensive knowledge of geography and the United Nations.
15. Some of my friends would say I’m a dancer. My only legitimate dance education consisted of clog dancing in my neighbor’s basement for a year.
16. In the 3rd grade, I was an Ohio State Fair clog dancing champion. Black pants, a white oxford shirt, and a red bandana tied around my neck never looked so good.
17. For four months of my life, I spent every Sunday and Wednesday country line dancing.
18. I’ve been paid to teach folks hip hop choreography. For some reason, this started happening less than a year after I started doing hip hop.
19. There are a few songs that bring to light the most vibrant memories in my life. One of them is “Walking on Broken Glass.”
20. The vibrant memory in question consists of me freezing in the back of a school bus at 4am, wearing a maroon silk shirt.
21. Vibrance means different things to different people.
22. One minute I tell myself I need to watch what I eat, the next minute I’m gorging myself on grandma-style pizza.
23. I’m the reigning king at watching movies by myself.
24. I’ve decided that in the next 2-3 years, I will meet one of the following people: Stacey Dash, Megan Mullally, Rodrigo Santoro and/or Sandra Oh. If anyone can suggest a possible vehicle to that end, please comment below.
25. I need to stop letting life happen to me, and start making sure I make life happen.
26. I’m not entirely happy until… [I don’t know yet.]
27. I’m a sucker for the NYT Best Seller’s List.
28. I’ve attended more nerd camps than maybe anyone else. Every summer between the 2nd grade and senior year in college.
29. I have an addictive personality. Don’t tell the parents… they’ll never stop telling me “We told you so.”
30. One of my first jobs was working retail. Subsequently, I can never again enter the Gap.
31. Success means different things to different people. I’m currently a corporate attorney, but I think I’d be a better personal assistant.
32. Don’t front… I’d be an AMAZING personal assistant.
33. I’m a Connector.
34. I’ve had pretty great NYC real estate karma… but I think it’s running out.
35. I’ve spent 9 years of my life learning 4 different foreign languages… and was horrible at all of them.
36. I can count to 10 in 9 different languages.
37. I had never failed anything until last year.
38. I still don’t believe that failure makes you stronger.
39. I constantly ask people to tell me three things about them I don’t know.
40. I used to always respond to that same question with: (i) I can’t watch movies with the word “City” in the title; (ii) I can’t eat anything that used to frolic in the water; (iii) I’m bad at sports with props.
41. Those are now all lies.
42. One of my favorite movies is “Dark City.”
43. My friend/co-worker Adam is single-handedly altering my opinion of seafood.
44. I’m surprisingly good at Beer Pong… well… comparatively, anyway.
45. I’ve said “I love you” to two people, and I’m still wondering if I meant it either time.
46. I hate dressing up in costume. Hate it.
47. I apparently love being a part of committees.
48. I’m a a technophile.
49. I still don’t fully understand my political perspective, but somehow, “socially liberal, fiscally conservative” doesn’t seem to cut it for most people.
50. Stories that present plot lines of families brought together only to be torn apart again make me cry every time.
51. Not much else drives me to tears.
52. I think I could tell you who I’d want in my wedding party… I just don’t think I’ll ever have a wedding.
53. Okay… so the thought of utter loneliness might get a tear out of me.
54. Going to the University of Michigan was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
55. Going to law school was one of the worst.
56. That being said, I’m one of the only fellow law school graduates I know of who actually likes their job.
57. Unless the gym is less than two blocks away and smells good, I won’t go.
58. I’ve only lived close to a nice-smelling gym for one year of my life, and I’ve never been in such good shape.
59. I’m sad to think that some of the most influential people in my life will never know that they’ve been so influential.
60. One of the hardest things in the world for me to do is to keep a secret.
61. I constantly ask people if they want to tell me one.
62. I haven’t had a legitimate crush in 2 years, but hope every day for one.
63. I think people have an amazing ability to tell the truth when they drink.
64. When I’ve had a few, I’ve made the worst and best decisions in my life.
65. Some of my best friends have expressed to me their intense belief and trust in fortune-telling.
66. The last fortune teller I went to told me that “real” palm-readers (flipping my hand, palm-side down) read hands from the top.
67. My first date was with a girl named Natalie. It was the fifth grade, we were going to meet at the county library, my dad drove me there, and the only thing he said was “Wear a condom.”
68. She “cheated” on me with some guy named Ben.
69. I saw Natalie for the first time since the fifth grade when I went on a law school interview… she was one of the first year attorneys who took me to lunch.
70. The last time I saw Ben was when I was on stage singing… at his wedding.
71. My mom, every time I express dating-angst, tells me that she can easily find me a “nice beautiful girl, from India, who is a doctor and wants to be an American citizen.”
72. She couldn’t be more off-base.
73. I still like that she’s looking out for me.

posted by phat tony 9:16 PM